Even If It's A Lie
by broodyleytons
Summary: SongFic. OneShot. Liz can't take the pain anymore. She tries and tries and gives and gives but never seems to get what she ever wanted. Love. Big Angst. Warning.


**Author**: Katy Gestland  
**Disclaimer**: You know the drill. I don't own them, as though I wish I owned Max. Nor do I own the famous Sheryl Crow's "I Shall Believe".  
**Summary**: Pretty much Liz turns on Max, Max turns on Liz and se deals with it…read on to see how. OneShot.  
**Setting**: After the End of the World.

**_  
"I Shall Believe"  
By: Sheryl Crow_**

**_Come to me now  
and lay your hands over me  
Even if it's a lie  
Say it will be alright  
and I shall believe _**

_**I'm broken in two  
And I know you're on to me  
That I only come home  
When I'm so all alone  
But I do believe **_

_**That not everything is gonna be the way  
You think it ought to be  
It seems like every time I try to make it right  
It all comes down on me  
Please say honestly you won't give up on me  
And I shall believe  
And I shall believe **_

**_Open the door  
and show me your face tonight  
I know it's true  
No one heals me like you  
and you hold the key _**

_**Never again  
would I turn away from you  
I'm so heavy tonight  
But your love is alright  
And I do believe **_

_**That not everything is gonna be the way  
You think it ought to be  
It seems like every time I try to make it right  
It all comes down on me  
Please say honestly  
You won't give up on me  
And I shall believe  
I shall believe  
And I shall believe **_

Liz listened to the familiar song play over and over on her CD player. It used to just be a favorite song to her, just like girls liked "Oops…I Did It Again" by Britney, but now that she knew the true meaning of the song and memories in which she'd never experience behind it Liz felt as though the song would never leave her with the same thought in her mind after listening to it. Max Evans. The song, "I Shall Believe" by Sheryl Crow, was hers and Max's wedding song. The Future Max came and told her, he told her that if she didn't make the present Max fall out of love with her the world would end. Liz knew that her life would be different since she was involved with the "Roswell Aliens" but this was too much. How could her love, her strong love, for Max end the entire world? It just couldn't be possible. Did Future Max just expect them to just drift apart? Just completely shut each other out of each other's life? It wasn't possible.

_**Come to me now  
And lay your hands over me  
Even if it's a lie  
Say it will be alright  
And I shall believe **_

Then Future Max said Liz had to do something, quickly for his time was running out, to make Max fall out of love with her. So that is where Kyle came in. They set up the scene, as Kyle liked to call it, and waited. Liz waited to see if it worked, if Max could really leave her. Future Max said it was the hardest thing he had ever done in his life. He had fought many battles against the Skins and other alien nations but seeing Liz betray Max, himself, was the hardest thing imaginable. But, the funny thing was that Future Max didn't do squat, Liz did it all, with little help from Kyle. She watched her soul mate, best friend, lover of all time walk away with the deepest hurt in his eyes she'd ever seen. And what hurt the most was that she had caused it. She, Liz Parker, broke Max Evans' heart into million pieces and the only thing she could think of was who was going to put it back together. Tess?

_**I'm broken in two  
And I know you're on to me  
That I only come home  
When I'm so all alone  
But I do believe **_

Two days later and Liz is still sitting in the same position, outside her room on her balcony journal and pen in hand gazing up at the stars. She had so many thoughts running through out her mind it was useless to write them down, she'd be there all night. She searched her mind for anything to remind her of Max before she deceived him. She couldn't think of anything. All she saw was his pleading eyes in his room when she told him she wanted to have a "normal" life and then his broken demeanor when he saw Liz and Kyle in bad together. It was like an old movie, when the scenes just keep playing over and over again. It felt foreign to her; the Liz Parker she used to know would never fake-sleep with someone. Liz Parker certainly would not deny the one thing she needed equal to air she breathed. Max.

_**That not everything is gonna be the way  
You think it ought to be  
It seems like every time I try to make it right  
It all comes down on me  
Please say honestly you won't give up on me  
And I shall believe  
And I shall believe **_

That's what she did. Denied million upon million times how she didn't feel anything for Max, or that she couldn't be with him since Tess was in the picture now, his destiny. Max would always say Tess meant nothing and Liz knew very well he was being truthful but she couldn't get past the words. Destiny. Max and Tess. Together. Married. Another Life. Together. King and Queen. Where did she fit in? Exactly, nowhere. Although when she was in denial about the whole destiny thing she didn't remember what Max had said. "It doesn't matter if I die tomorrow or fifty years from now my destiny stays the same, it's you. I want to be with you Liz." Now that she had lost Max forever she remembered those words. She had been selfish, thinking of only her. She had forgotten that Max was coping with this new information. Now sitting on her balcony she felt much needed release of tears built up for so long. They fell fast down her cheeks and neck. What have I done? Liz asked herself. How could her life be so filling and wonderful then almost instantaneously it all went straight to hell?

_**Open the door  
And show me your face tonight  
I know it's true  
No one heals me like you  
And you hold the key **_

Liz looked up and saw the "V" constellation Michael talked about. It was the first time Liz saw it and something struck her. She couldn't exactly describe but it felt like someone was giving her a second chance at love. Maybe her Grandmother. She felt like running. She didn't know where she would be running to but she had to run somewhere. The balcony suddenly became smaller. She was panicking and didn't know why. Liz decided to climb down the fire escape and began to sprint down the streets of Roswell until she came to a small neighborhood. She walked to the side gate, opened it and walked to the window she knew with her eyes closed. Before she got to the window she heard a voice. A voice she had grown to tolerate but never believed. Tess Harding. And then the voice of her love. Max Evans. Together. Liz walked further to the window and peeked inside. There they were. On the Bed. Dangerously Close to One Anther. Holding Hands. Eyes Shut. Concentrating…but on what? Liz didn't want to find out. So she turned around and ran back in the same direction as before but instead running to something she was running away from it. She ran faster and faster with every fleeting minute. She could feel the beating of her heart, the thumping of her sneakers on the street, wind flying in her hair…the agony of her heart falling apart. Liz didn't know if she should be happy or devastated. She finally got Max to move on, but now he wasn't with her. She raced back up the stairs and ran into her bathroom. Liz stared deeply into the mirror at her reflection. It wasn't happy, or content. It never would be. No one should have to see her like this. Ever. Her life meant nothing now; Max Evans was never going to be hers again so why continue living in this hell hole called life? Her life was Max. All she was now was empty. And emptiness was the worst feeling ever. You feel alone, distant, and forgotten. And in a way she was. Liz had never felt these feelings of depression in her life. It was new and scary for her. She couldn't control her actions anymore than she could control the weather. It was like she was looking down at herself from somewhere else. She saw herself reaching for the medicine cabinet. She moved around her daily toiletries and found her sleeping medicine. She popped the lid open and dumped some into her trembling hand. She couldn't count them for her eyes were blurry with tears. Liz thought it was maybe five, six, seven tops. She dropped them into her mouth and took a sip of her water. She rubbed her head and ran her hands through her hair and once again stared at herself. What have I become? She asked herself again. She felt the rush of medication flowing through her veins and felt amazing. But it wasn't enough. She needed more. Much More. She searched her drawers and found it. Liz then proceeded back into her bathroom. She extended her arm across the sink and made a fist. She closed her eyes and concentrated. Shooting. Max healing her. Accident. First Kiss With Him. Finding their Balance. The Drunken Kiss. Max Ravishing Her in the Restaurant Kitchen. Finding the Orb. Nasedo. Tess. Almost Losing Max. The White Room. Destiny. Future Max. Sleeping with Kyle.

_**Never again  
would I turn away from you  
I'm so heavy tonight  
But your love is alright  
And I do believe **_

When she opened her eyes the sink was covered in blood. Liz began to feel dizzy and cold. She lost balance and fell down and hit her head on the bathtub. As she was laying there, blood all over her, she felt saw the light. Not the light you see when you came up with a wonderful idea but the light at the end. The death light. She didn't want to go but she had no choice. She had lost too much blood. She couldn't think straight either, that's how she got down there in the first place. She reached out with her mind and tried, even though she had no alien powers what-so-ever, to connect with Max. She knew there was no chance in hell shed survive this but she had to say goodbye.

Then the blackness came and she let go of everything.

_**That not everything is gonna be the way  
You think it ought to be  
It seems like every time I try to make it right  
It all comes down on me  
Please say honestly  
You won't give up on me  
And I shall believe  
I shall believe  
And I shall believe **_


End file.
